Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
