Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
barbara walters just said penis...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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