the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
