you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
