im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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