i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
