So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
