People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
