i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
