I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
