The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
