Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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