She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
