real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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