I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the raccoons are back...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
