she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
