I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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