Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
