Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
