pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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