I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
