Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
