It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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