well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
