You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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