I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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