am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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