you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
