At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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