Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
