There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
