I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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