matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
