You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Couch. On fire.
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