just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
