so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
