Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
