i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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