i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Farmville is her only friend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
