Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
