The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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