Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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