How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
