You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
