its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
