i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
