just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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