Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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