My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
