Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
