20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
