Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
